Writing Craft

Show Don't Tell: The Examples That Actually Work

Kia Orion | | 9 min read

There's a writing workshop exercise I've seen a dozen times. The instructor puts two sentences on the board. One says "She was angry." The other says "She slammed the door so hard the picture frame in the hallway fell." Everyone nods. Lesson learned. Show, don't tell.

Except most writers walk away from that exercise and do something strange. They start replacing every emotion with a slammed door. Every scene gets louder, more physical, more actioned-up, and somehow less alive. The advice was real, but the takeaway was wrong, and the examples were too thin to teach anything useful.

The better examples, the ones that actually changed how I write, come from novelists who understood what the rule is really asking you to do. A few worth knowing:

1. The mechanism isn't action, it's specificity

Most writers hear "show don't tell" and reach for verbs. More movement, more gestures, more weather. But the writers who are genuinely good at this aren't adding action. They're adding precision.

Toni Morrison, in Beloved, doesn't show grief by having Sethe cry or collapse or scream. She shows a woman who crawls to a shed. Who has ink on her hands. Who keeps a dress folded in a box for a daughter she can't name out loud. The details aren't dramatic. They're specific. And because they're specific, you trust them, and because you trust them, the emotion arrives without anyone naming it.

This is what Chekhov was getting at with the gun on the wall. The lesson everyone takes from that is about plot setup and payoff. But the deeper lesson is about the texture of noticing. Chekhov put a gun on the wall because a gun on the wall tells you something about the people who live in that house, the world they expect, the things they've prepared for. A "weapon" on the wall does nothing. A Remington double-barrel mounted above a portrait of someone's dead father does everything.

The specificity does the telling for you. You don't need to write "he was a man haunted by violence." You need to know what caliber.

Here's what that looks like in practice. Take a feeling, any feeling, and watch what happens when you trade the label for the evidence.

Before

She was overcome with grief after the funeral.

After

She found one of his socks behind the dryer on a Tuesday, held it for a while, then put it back.

Before

He felt embarrassed when everyone turned to look at him.

After

He laughed half a second too late at the joke, then studied the nutrition label on his water bottle like it contained urgent news.

Before

She was lonely in her new apartment.

After

She'd started leaving the TV on when she went to the grocery store so the apartment wouldn't be quiet when she got back.

Before

He realized he was in love with her.

After

She mispronounced "quinoa" at dinner and he decided not to correct her, just to keep hearing her say it that way.

The word "grief" never appears in the first rewrite. Neither does "lonely" or "love" in theirs. But you don't need the labels because the details are doing all the work. That's what specificity actually buys you. Not a more vivid version of the same information, but a different kind of information entirely, the kind the reader feels before they can name it.

2. Telling is faster, and sometimes that's exactly right

Here's where the rule gets writers in trouble. They take it as law. Every emotion must be dramatized. Every internal state must be externalized through behavior and metaphor and subtext.

Elmore Leonard, in his famous ten rules of writing, said to leave out the parts readers tend to skip. That's the real rule underneath "show don't tell," and it cuts both directions. Sometimes showing is the part readers skip. If your character has been established across three chapters as someone who is grieving, you don't need a fourth chapter of careful, lyrical grief-showing. You can write "The next two weeks were bad" and move on. The reader already has the emotional context. They'll fill it in.

I think of it as an earned-tell versus an unearned-tell. An unearned tell is when you write "Marcus felt hollow and lost" on page two, before I know who Marcus is or why I should care. An earned tell is when you've spent sixty pages building a character so real that a single declarative sentence lands like a gut-punch because I'm already inside it. Hemingway earned his tells. That's why "Isn't it pretty to think so?" closes The Sun Also Rises and nobody complains that he's telling instead of showing.

Specificity is a daily habit, not a rule. One writing prompt every morning to train your eye.

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3. The emotional center of a scene should never be named

This one I'm less sure how to articulate, but I think it's the most useful version of the rule I've found.

Flannery O'Connor's A Good Man Is Hard to Find ends with The Misfit standing over the grandmother's body and saying, "She would of been a good woman if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life." That line carries grief and moral horror and something close to tenderness, all at once. O'Connor doesn't name any of it. She lets the sentence sit there, and you feel the weight of everything she didn't say.

The moment you write "she felt a hollow grief," the reader stops feeling it. I don't know exactly why this works, but I think it has something to do with how naming an emotion turns it into an object you can look at from the outside, and the whole point of fiction is to be on the inside. When you tell me a character feels grief, I evaluate the claim. When you show me a woman refolding the same shirt for the third time, I feel something before I can name it, and that's the difference.

So the practical version: look for every sentence where you've named what a character feels. Then ask what that emotion would look like if you were watching through a window. What does grief do to someone's hands? What does love do to the way they check whether the door is locked at night.

4. Cormac McCarthy never explains, and the silence is the point

The Road might be the most sustained act of showing in American fiction. The father and boy walk through ash. They push a cart. They find a can of Coca-Cola, and the father gives it to the boy, and the boy asks his father to have some too, and they share it. McCarthy never writes "he loved his son." He never writes "the world had ended and they were afraid." You get ash, a cart, a can of soda split between two people.

The love accumulates through what McCarthy refuses to explain. The terror accumulates the same way. And after two hundred pages of this silence, when the father finally dies, you feel something so large that if McCarthy had tried to name it at any point, he would have made it smaller.

The question The Road asks every fiction writer is a hard one: what would happen if you went through your draft and removed every sentence that names how your character feels? What would be left? And would it be enough?

For most of us, honestly, the answer is probably no. The exercise of asking, though, is where the craft lives.

You don't learn this from one blog post or one workshop exercise with a slammed door. You learn it the way you learn anything in writing, which is by doing it badly for a while and then doing it slightly less badly and then one morning writing a sentence where the emotion lands without being named and thinking, oh, that's what they meant.

The daily habit isn't glamorous. Write a scene. Find the sentences where you told. Try replacing one of them with something a person could see through a window. Do it again tomorrow.

Write a scene. Find where you named an emotion. Then replace it with something you could see through a window.

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K

Kia Orion

Author of The Writer's Daily Practice, the #1 Bestselling book in Journal Writing and Writing Skills. He writes a free daily reflection for writers.

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